To walk away
Right now everything feels kinda heavy and sucks.. like, life itself. Got notified from the school of photography a few days back. Did not get accepted. I am a reserv, number 10 in line. Sure, could've been worse - but could have been a lot better too. Right now I feel a bit of an anxiety over life and the future. What shall I do for a whole year before I can apply to the school again? Sure take a few courses at the Municipality Adult education, but then what? Continue looking for a job which I have no energy for at all since it does'nt go very well, have not done in a long time. Photography is all I have.. all I'm good at. I did not get accepted to the school.
Right now I just want to.. leave everything, walk away, disappear. Just be somewhere, without time and space or pressure to do things, buy things, everything costs money, require something else. To do B you need to have done A, but you cannot get A without B. Sort of. I don't know. Confusing. Lot's of thoughts, anxiety and panic. I wanna go away.
It's just.. I am alive, so I have a path infront of me. I just don't know what's along the way and where It leads.