The winter is the darkest time of the year, but I feel that in one way, it's the "lightest" as well. It is now that everyone brings out their lanters, candles etc, bot home and outside-

my mothers pic, and text says: Me and Lucas in Rome 26/10-02/11 -
Pictures taken by me, mum and Lucas. Edited by me.

my pic of Lucas

mum's pic of us

Lucas pic of me, taken with my camera

 

And with some marshmallows in it - so damn tasty!

Sigma 24mm f/2.8

 

Went for some tea time with my friend Emmie - who currently suffers from tonsillitis, poor gal! Luckily she's on penicillin so she's wasn't contagious :3 We took a cup of tea at my favourite café :3

I had the best sushi ever for lunch today, at my old japanese-teachers place - she now has a sushi-restaurant :3 Then I met up with my friend Hanna and we had a nice and fun evening-photoshoot in the forest, so I've been outside a lot today! :D I shall start working on those pictures now ^^

So freakin' tasty!

Sigma 24mm f/2.8

Since I was sick, I was just lying in bed, reading and such. Very beautiful with dust in the sunlight, and I faught to capture it on picture heh. Went okay and not the most interesting of surroundings but hey, what to do?

I had langoustine the other day, it was delicious! Now I look forward to when we'll have a real crayfish party :)

I just realized I've taken 65 [okay I missed two] pictured, and thus I "only" have 300 to go on my 365-project.

 

Right now everything feels kinda heavy and sucks.. like, life itself. Got notified from the school of photography a few days back. Did not get accepted. I am a reserv, number 10 in line. Sure, could've been worse - but could have been a lot better too. Right now I feel a bit of an anxiety over life and the future. What shall I do for a whole year before I can apply to the school again? Sure take a few courses at the Municipality Adult education, but then what? Continue looking for a job which I have no energy for at all since it does'nt go very well, have not done in a long time. Photography is all I have.. all I'm good at. I did not get accepted to the school.

 

Right now I just want to.. leave everything, walk away, disappear. Just be somewhere, without time and space or pressure to do things, buy things, everything costs money, require something else. To do B you need to have done A, but you cannot get A without B. Sort of. I don't know. Confusing. Lot's of thoughts, anxiety and panic. I wanna go away.

 

It's just.. I am alive, so I have a path infront of me. I just don't know what's along the way and where It leads.

 

 

 

To pray... I am not religious or faithful, I'm not a believer. I do not believe in "a god" or a higher power. I've tried believing in a god, but tho give him/her/this a "personality", to personify it... it makes it hard. I can't, it does not work that way.

 

I do believe that everyone believes. Even those that call themselfs atheists, cause we all need to believe in something - and everyone prays. Maybe not on their knees by the bed, with their hands together.. chanting actual prayers etc... But haven't we all from time to time thought things like "please let this intervju turn out great" or  "please let it be good weather tomorrow" and other ordinary stuff like that. Even me. It's in our every day life and we do it without thinking from time to time.

 

There are things though, that even I believe in. At a certain point, I believe in fate, but I also think we take part in creating our own "destiny". I believe in being at the right place at the right time and I believe that certain things happen for a reason. I believe in that how things are in life, how you are treated and encountered by other people mostly depend on how You yourself are as a person and against others. I believe in side effects, everything we do affects something else. Butterfly Effect. That's what I believe in. Moral and human behaviour. Our own inner strenght - to decide, make choises, act and forgive.

 

I believe in what music and books can do for mind and soul. I also believe in what I can see and touch. Nature for example, it's always been close to me and it's out there. It's also more powerful than we are, always have and always will be.

 

When I had my important interview the other day and was nervous like cray, I found strenght and a soothing calm in the warmth of the sun, the whistle in the crown of the trees, the two horses that always stand as far away from the road as possible, but ont that day stood very close to the pavement and greeted me as I walked by, those three crows that flew by me [a bad omen for some, but I happen to like birds and crows in particular]. When I've been sad or angry I've used to talk a walk into the forest, sit down on a rock or log - there I've shouted out all my feelings and just let the nature hide it away from the rest of the world. I've known that no one else heard and that everything would stay there, no one would ever find out what happend there and then. Just a secret between me and the forest. Do I believe in mother earth? Well.. that is to give a force a personality of some sorts, but since I believe in nature.. I guess one could put it that way. Gaia is at least closer to me than any other divinity or higher power.

 

Anywho, if you ask me most people believe in something and we humans need it. We are from time to time weak individuals that find power in believing and to blame bad things that happen on something else, something higher.

 

So, since I am a bit philosofical today, I felt like taking a picture that portraits this - believing and praying.

Most of all I believe that I wrote waay to much haha! Anyway, it would be interesting to know what other people feel and think concerning this, above is just my personal thoughts and opinions.

 

Last time I was on a fleemarket with Lucas mum, I bought an old book, and this old chest. It has recently arrived at Lucas place :3 I love it <3 I bought it partly because it's so beautiful [and a good storage-place!] and I will have it in my room, but I also bought it to use as photo-prop. I took some test-shots with it today, it will be alot easier when I do not have myself as a model though. But I have some plans involving it hehe.

Some of all the pictures I took at Uppcon10 last weekend. The rest can be found here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

sat outside on the porch this saturday, with a cup of coffé and my book

The sun was shining on sunday so I went out to photograph a little

Jar :3 They have such nice "bottles" for it!